7 Trillion nerves and women

Human body has 7 trillion nerves and women know how to get on every single one of them....

Men are always happy creatures...

Men are always happy creatures. Why?

-PHONE conversations cost for just  2 minutes

-A five days vacation requires only 1 jeans

-If someone forgets to invite them, they can still be friends

-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades

-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes

-They don't freak out when they go to a party & see another man wearing same shirt or tie, instead they become buddies

- They laugh before an exam and also laugh after exams without worries

-They can live in all circumstances

Share this to women who can DIGEST it, and to men who'll enjoy reading it...!

Capital of Pakistan........????

Teacher: "Where is the CAPITAL OF PAKISTAN?"

A student replied, "In Swiss Banks......"

lolz!

Maths.........

Maths is the only place where I hear people doing ridiculous things....e.g.

Ashraf had 300 kababs, he ate 230. What does he have now?
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LOOSE Motion I think...!

An angry girl and her laptop...

An angry girl went to an electronics shop and threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from whom she bought.

She told the salesman that you have cheated me. I can not transfer file to my previous laptop.

Salesman: Madam, can you please try in front of me?

This is what she did:

1. Right clicked the mouse on the file which she wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2. Disconnected the mouse from that laptop.

3. Took the mouse carefully then connected it to her previous laptop.

4. Thus after connecting the mouse she clicks the paste button and no action performed!

Salesman died....!

LOLZ....

bank...

GF called her bf..

GF: Honey where are you?

BF: I'm at the bank.

GF: Oh dear..I need 10000 to do my hair treatment and 30000 to buy few dresses...

BF: Sorry, janu I meant I was at the bank of a river...Machli chahhiye tumko machli...I mean fish?

whatever you like & whatever you get

An inspiring thought:

"Always try your best to get whatever you like...Otherwise you will be forced to like whatever you get...!"

Why I hate C.I.D.

An example

Girl: Rahul mera bhai tha....

Daya: Kyaaaaaaaaaaaa? Rahul tumhara bhai tha??????????????

Girl: Haan...Rahul mera bhai tha....

Freddy: Rahul sach mein tumhara bhai tha?

Girl: Haan sir wo mera bhai tha.......

Abhijeet: Iska matlab hai..........

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Tum Rahul ki behan ho..........

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ACP: Achaaaaaaaaa.....ab main samjha......
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Tum aur Rahul behan bhai ho.............!!!

How Pakistanis are easy to identify...

1: Cook everything in Garlic & Onion...

2: Re-use gift papers...

3: Always arrive late in a party...

4: Children have rhyming names...

5: Talk for half an hour at the gate when leaving...

6: Never use measure cups while cooking...

7: Take medicines without doctor's prescription...

8: Lay bed sheets on sofas to keep them clean...

9: Cover everything with plastic even if its a remote control...!


Enjoy being Pakistani....................!

Dad and Mobile Phone

Dad: Give me your mobile phone for a minute.

Son: Wait dad let me switch it on.

G.F. pic: delete
Private video: delete
Girls # list: delete
Phone calls received: delete
-delete
-delete
-delete
Memory card : format

Son: Here you go.

Dad: thanks! I just want to see time....!!!!!!!

Son: OPPPSSSSSSSSSS

Who's the Boss....???

When the body was made all parts wanted to be Boss.

Brain: I should be boss coz I control the whole body responses...

Feet: We should be the boss, We carry the brain...

Hands: We should be the boss coz we do all work and earn money...

And so it went on and on with the heart, lungs, eyes till finally the Asshole spoke. All parts laughed at the idea of Asshole being the boss....

So the Asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work...!

Within a short time eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, feet twitched, heart and lungs began to panic and brain started to shut...!

Eventually they all decided that the Asshole should be the BOSS so the motion was passed and now All parts work while the Boss just sits and passes out the shit...!


Moral: You don't need brain to be the Boss. Any Asshole can be a BOSS........!!!!!

A barber shop...

In England, a barber shop had a customer who was a soldier. After haircut he tried to give money.

Barber said: You fight for people of UK I won't take money from you.

Next day he found some flowers outside his shop.

Then a doctor came, again the barber didn't take money  & said: You help ill people of UK I won't take money from you.

Next day he found expensive clothing outside his shop.

Then a Pakistani came, barber didn't take money & said: You are our visitor I won't take money from you.

Next day............

There were ten Pakistanis waiting in line outside his shop...............!!!

Proof of extra work done...!

The amount of money in your bank account at the time of your death is the proof of extra work you did which was not necessary...!!!

WORK-SHOP

Marriage is like a Workshop???


Where the Husband Works

and

The Wife Shops....

Love Story

Old Love Story started from "EYES"

Grew with "GIFTS"

&

Ended with "TEARS"

And Now

Love story starts from "MOBILE"

Grows with "SMS"

&

Ends with "SIM Change"

The brick from the plane...

Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane. You drop one outside. How many are left?

Applicant: That's easy, 499.

Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant in to a fridge?

Applicant: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge.

Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer in to a fridge?

Applicant: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Interviewer: It's lion's birthday, all the animals are there except one, why?

Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.

Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.

Interviewer: Last question. In the end, the old woman still dies, Why?

Applicant: Er...I guess she drowned?

Interviewer: NO! She was hit by the brick which you dropped from the plane. You may leave now...!

Negative attitude

Negative attitude is like a punctured tyre. You can not reach anywhere until you change it....!

AY Maa...

Ay Maa...

Phir se mujhe mera basta dy dy

K Dunia ka dia sabq mushkil bohat hy....

Terrorist...???

List of countries USA has BOMBED after World War II.

Japan 1945-46

Korea 1950-53

China 1950-53

Guatemala 1954

Indonesia 1958

Cuba 1959-60

Guatemala 1960

Belgian Congo 1964

Guatemala 1964

Dominican Republic 1965-66

Peru 1965

Laos 1964-73

Vietnam 1961-73

Cambodia 1969-70

Guatemala 1967-1969

Lebanon 1982-84

Grenada 1983-84

Libya 1986

El-Salvador 1981-92

Nicaragua 1981-90

Iran 1987-88

Libya 1989

Panama 1989-90

Iraq 1991

Kuwait 1991

Somalia 1992-94

Bosnia 1995

Iran 1998

Sudan 1998

Afghanistan 1998- To-date

Yugoslavia-Serbia 1999

Libya 2011

Yemen 2011

Pakistan 2007- To-date

USA is the only country that has used Nuclear Weapons on Civil Population.!!!

Sharafat soz tasveeron ki uryani nahi jaati

Sharafat soz tasveeron ki uryani nahi jaati
Adab ki aar mein Targheeb-e-Roomani nahi jaati

Khuda maloom Nasl-e-Nau ka kia anjam hona hay?
Watan se fuhash naghmn ki farawani nahi jaati

Azaab aye to us mein senkron ki jaan jaati hay
Nahi jaati to shetanon ki shetani nahi jaati

Kahin basti ki bastiboond paani ko tarasti hay
Kahin barish brasti hay to tughyani nahi jaati

Jahan ke zarray zarray se numaya hay Jalal US ka
Magar hum se KHUDA ki zaat pehchani nahi jaati

Zamana is qadar qayal hua hay Faiz jhooton ka
Jo sach kehte hain unki aik bhi maani nahi jaati

A Kid and his Dad

Kid: Why some of your hair are white Dad?

Dad: Every time you make me unhappy my hair turns white...!

Kid: Oh I see! now I understand why Grandpa's hair are all white...!!!




Moral: Don't be over smart with today's Kids.

Givers & Takers

There are two kinds of people in this world "Givers" & "Takers". The Takers may eat better BUT the Givers sleep better...!

University Result...

One guy asked his friend to check his result at the university and come back and tell me my grades. But I will be with my father so if I failed in one subject say "Muslim says Assalam-O-Alaikum". If I failed in two subjects say "Muslimeen say Assalam-O-Alaikum"
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the friend came back from the university and said "Ummat-e-Muslima says Assalam-O-Alaikum".

Naadaniyan...!

Maana ke ab Aqal ne kuch pukhtagi to di...

Par wo maza kahan jo NAADANIYON me tha...!

Who is a Psychiatrist?

"A qualified person who gives you an expensive, critical analysis about yourself."
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which your FRIENDS give you "Free of cost" daily...!

Friends living in the Heart...

Friends living in the Heart are the worst residents...!

1. They capture Heart (Qabza Group)

2. They pay NO Rent (Muft Khuray)

3. They don't vacate easily (Dheet)

4. When they leave the place, it's broken (Dehshat Gard)

But still we can't live without them. Dedicated to all terrorists living in my Heart...!

An Accountant...the secret of success!!!

An Accountant in a big firm had a very strange habit. Every morning he used to open his drawer, look at a paper and then lock the drawer again.

The trainees were very curious ad thought that he hid the secret of his success in his drawer. So one day6 when   the Accountant was out, the trainees decided to break in the lock . When they broke the lock and took out the paper it was written on the paper....
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"Khabba Debit tey Sajja Credit"

My Biology Book...

My Biology Book says & I agree...
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"CELL" is the basic fundamental unit of life...!

Only 10 minutes...

Judge to a pickpocket : "Since you have been found guilty of the offence of pick pocketing you are fined Rs.1000."

Defense Counsel: "Sir you have fined my client Rs.1000 and right now he has only Rs.800..."

Judge: "I will not lesson the fine."

Counsel: "No Sir! I was just asking that my client be given only 10 minutes in a crowd....!"

The Merit...!

A judge called both side lawyers in his chamber.

Judge: Mr. A you gave me Rs.25000 from plaintiffs side for a decision in your favor.

Mr. A feeling ashamed looks at judge.

Judge: Mr. B you gave me Rs.20000 for a decision in your favor.


Mr. B also feeling ashamed looks at judge.

Judge: Mr. A!! Here are your Rs.5000 you paid extra..... And now as you both have paid equally the case shall be decided on merit....!

Fit & Tested Dieting Plan...???

Fit & Tested Dieting Plan with tremendous results...

7:30am - 1 brawn bread, half boiled egg.

10:00am - 1 cup green tea

12:00pm - half cup boiled chanay

1:00pm - 1 banana

5:00pm - 1 cup tea without sugar

7:00pm - 1 cup skimmed milk

9:00pm - green tea
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11:45pm - naan, chicken karahi, fried rice, tikka, shahi tukray, pizza, chocolate cake, pastry, gulab jaman, ice cream, aur 1 diet pepsi...

Strange but true...

When the relation is new..people find reasons to meet...but when it becomes old..people find EXCUSES to Avoid...Strange but True...!

Ahhh...PIA

A man find a beautiful girl at an airport cafe, sitting next to him.
He thinks: She must be an air hostess but which airline?
Hoping to get her attention, he leans towards her and says Emirates slogan: "Keep discovering"
She ignores him.
Again he says United Air's slogan: "It's time to fly"
No Response!
Again says another airline's slogan. She turns to him & says: "Ki takleef aey haraam deya?"
Man laughs, leans back & says: "Ahhh...PIA"

Love is like...

Love is like a game of chess:
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One wrong move...
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...and you are married...!

A typing error in book title...

Million copies of a new book sold in just two days due to a typing error in book title...
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The title was...
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"An Idea can change your Wife (Life)"

How to kill an Ant?

Q: How to kill an Ant?
Asked in exam for 15 marks.

Student:"...Mix Chilli Powder with Sugar & keep it outside the Ant's Hole. After eating, Ant will search for some water near a water tank. Push Ant in to it. Now Ant will go to dry itself near fire. When it reaches fire, put a bomb in to the fire. Then admit wounded Ant in ICU. Remove oxygen mask from it's mouth n kill the Ant."

MORAL:
Don't play with students they can do any thing for 15 marks...!

Ear Transplant....

Doctor transplant a new ear to man.

Man: You Fraud! You gave me a woman's ear...

Doctor: look it makes no difference.

Man: It does...! Now I hear everything but understand nothing...!

Silence of a friend...

Thousand words of a teacher does not hurt.

BUT

The silence of a friend in the Examination Hall brings tears in to the eyes. (William Naqalbaz)

The Perfect Eye Sight...

Wife looking in the mirror: "I look horrible, fat and ugly, please say something nice about me."

Husband: "Your Eye Sight is perfect...!"

MOM's coming...

Husband: Mom called me and she is coming tomorrow. Her train will reach in the morning at 4 O'Clock.

Wife: She came just 4 months back only, right?...Why is she coming now???
Tomorrow is Sunday, I thought of getting up late..but your Mom had to come on a Sunday and that too in the morning at 4 O'Clock.
Where she'll even get an auto at that time?

Husband: Not my Mom, its your Mom coming...!!!

Wife: WOW!!!! Mom is coming...It's been more than 2 Months I have seen her...Listen, I have the number of the auto driver, please call him and tell to come in time tomorrow morning...It's good, tomorrow is Sunday even the kids will be at home...They can play with their grandmother....

Even when I'm not interested...

I don't know why life teaches me so many lessons...Even when I'm not interested in learning...!

When I Was 10....

Today a 10 year old child has a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop and a Facebook account...
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When I was 10, I felt cool with my new markers n color pencils...!

Ja Machli Pakar...!

A Superstore hired a MEMON salesman. Sales increased a lot...! Boss decided to meet the Memon & went to store. Memon was selling a fish rod to a customer. Boss stayed at a distance & watched.

Memon ne fishing rod Rs.800 ka baich ker customer ke shoes dekh kar bola, "Itne expensive shoes pehan kar fishing karainge? You must buy sports shoes. phir bola "Dhoop mein bethna pare ga, you must buy a cap..Phir machli pakarne ke liay kafi wait karna pare ga, must buy some eatables wafers, biscuits...phir machli pakar kar rakhain ge kahan? Buy this Rs.100 basket....." The total bill was Rs.2000.

Boss khushi se bola "Wo fishing rod lene aya tha aur tum ne itne kuch bech dia. Very Good...!"

Memon said, "Sir wo admi to BV ke liay "ALWAYS" lene aya tha. Main ne kaha 7 din ghar par kia kare ga...Ja Machli Pakar....!

GOD, A Little Boy and Finance Ministery

A little boy wanted Rs.50/=. He prayed for weeks but nothing happened.  Finally, he decided to write a letter to GOD requesting for Rs.50/=....

When postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD, they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister as a joke...

The Finance Minister was so amused with this. So, he instructed his Secretary to send Rs.20/= to the boy, thinking this would appear to be lot of money to a little boy & he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20/= & decided to write a Thank You Note to GOD which read:

"Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money..... However, I noticed that YOU sent it through Finance Ministry and those Corrupt, Stupid & Selfish Donkeys have deducted Rs.30/= as Taxes...."

Aur Gunahgaar, Gunahgaar samjhte hain mujhe

Yaar bhi rait ki deewar samjhte hain mujhe
Main samjhta tha mere yaar samajhte hain mujhe

Main to yoon chup hoon ke andar se bohat khali hoon
Aur sab log pur-israr samjhte hain mujhe

Main to badalte hue haalat mein dhal jata hoon
Dekhne wale Adaakar samjhte hain mujhe

Wo jo us par hain un ke liey Is par hoon main
Wo jo Is par hain Us par samjhte hain mujhe

Naik logon mein mujhe naik gina jata hay
Aur Gunahgaar, Gunahgaar samjhte hain mujhe

What's more important....The Pain or The Person???

Everyone in our life is going to hurt us sooner or later! But we have to decide whats more important...The Pain or The Person....
(John Keats)

I studied but....

I studied but never topped. Today, toppers of best universities are my employees. (Bill Gates)

Only married men gain weight..Why????

Only married men gain weight..Why????

Bachelors go to fridge, see nothing interesting, go to bed.

Married men go to bed, see nothing interesting, go to fridge.

How to Identify parts of Pakistan...

How to identify different parts of Pakistan:

Scenario - 1:
Two guys are fighting. A third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up...! That's LAHORE...!

Scenario - 2:
Two guys are fighting. A third guy comes along, sees them fighting and walks on... You're in KARACHI...!

Scenario - 3:
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai Stall... That's MULTAN...!

Scenario - 4:
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says, "don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else and keep fighting...". That's ISLAMABAD...!

Scenario - 5:
Two guys are fighting. They take time out. Call their friends and now 50 people are fighting. You're definitely in KHYBER PAKHTUNKHWAH...! 

"Fine" & "Tax"

Truly Funny:

"Fine" is a Tax on doing wrong things;

Whereas

"Tax" is a Fine on doing right things...

*...Difference between Shit and Oh Shit......*

Six runs needed of the last ball..
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Shitttt...!
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And the batsman is Misbah-Ul-Haq...
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OOhhh Shitttt....!

Understanding...

Understanding is deeper than Love...!

There are many people who love us but very few who understand us...

Yes, I am Pakistan...

I am not just bombs, poverty and corruption....

I am Edhi's Philanthropy.

I am Arfa Karim's Brilliance...

I am Afridi's Exuberance...

I am Miandad's Six...

I am fastest growing IT Industry...

I am ever expanding middle class...

I have fought Dictatorships...

I am 40,000 deaths for Global PEACE...

I am Hospitality...

I am Epitome of Resilience...

I am one of the few bravest nations of the world...

YES...! I am PAKISTAN...!

How he got into the house...?

A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." says the desk Sargent.

"No, No, No" says the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years...!"

Shopping & Joking

Wife: I'm not feeling good...

Husband: Its too bad, I was  thinking to go for shopping...

Wife: I was joking na....

Husband: Yeah...me too....!

DEMOCRACY in Pakistan...

During World War-II an army unit had shortage of socks.

One day Co. announced,

"Soldiers! There is 1 GOOD news & 1 BAD news...The GOOD news is that you are going to CHANGE your dirty old socks and BAD news is that you are going to EXCHANGE them among you..."

This is DEMOCRACY in Pakistan: We keep on choosing same old leaders and parties....

Maths & Women

Maths and women are the two most complicated things in this world...
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BUT....
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Maths at least has LOGIC...!

Sher KHUSRA

1 Pari ne dekha ke 1 sher, khargosh ke peechay bhag raha hay.

Pari ne dono ko rok kar bola, "Mein tum dono ki 3, 3 khuwahishain poori karoon gi..."

Sher: Mere ilawa is jungle ke tamam shero ko sherniyan bana do...

Khargosh: 1 Helmet chahiay...

Sher: Brabar wale jungle ke tamam sher, sherniyan bana do...

Khargosh: 1 bike de do...

Sher: Saari dunya ke sher, sherniyan bana do...

Khargosh ne bike start ki, helmet pehna aur bola: Is sher ko KHUSRA bana do...!

7 Wonders of Pakistan...(Funny)

7: Veena Malik

6: Meera

5: Sahir Lodhi

4: Rehman Malik

3: Altaf Bhai

2: Bhutto Ka Damad
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1: Tuk Tuk Tuk
(Haan wohi wohi)

Niagara Falls & Ladies...

Canadian Guide: I welcome you all to Niagara Falls...This is the world's largest waterfall. The sound intensity of this waterfall is so high even 20 Super Sonic Jets passing can't be heard...
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Now may I request the Ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls...!!!

Dil Tarasta Hay...

Mil kar karte thay mazak jin ke sath
Aj un doston se milne ko Dil Tarasta hay

Har pal muskurate thay jo chehray
Aj unhein dekhne ko Dil Tarasta hay

Nafrat thi jis class room se
Aj usi class room mein behthney ko Dil tarasta hay

Zindagi ke sab se haseen wo pal
Aj wohi zindagi phir s jeene ko Dil Tarasta hay

MISS YOU ALL MY LOVELY FRIENDS...!

Wife & A Pack of Cigarettes..

What's the difference between "Wife" & "A Pack of Cigarettes"...

Both of them can make you SICK But at least the cigarettes come with a Warning....!

Confidence....!!!

Husband comes home early and sees wife with another guy.

Wife: Why are you early?

Husband: Who is he???

Wife: Don't try to change the topic please...!

The privilege of friendship

The privilege of friendship is that..

We can talk nonsense all the time... And the best thing is that... Nonsense is Understood, Discussed, And Respected...! 

5 things Indian movies taught...

1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil...!

2. While defusing a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut....You'll always choose the right one...!

3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wounds...!

4. A detective can solve a case only when he's suspended from the duty...!

and last but not the least...

5. If you decided to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps...!


lolz!

Choosing & Loosing...

Be SLOW in "choosing" friends and Too SLOW in "loosing" them...!

Little difference between Truth and Lie

Truth is a debit card "Pay First, Enjoy Later".

Lie is a credit card "Enjoy First, Pay Later".

Job Interview...

Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job???

Candidate: The company shifted their office....and didn't tell me where....! 

"Affection & Inspection"

If your wife kisses you when you come home late, remember its not AFFECTION its INSPECTION of alcohol, cigarette, perfume or lipstick...
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(Issued in public interest)

lolz!

Yoga classes???

Pappu had a habit of eating his finger nails. His parents sent him to Yoga classes for treatment.
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Now Pappu can eat nails of his feet also...!!!

Feel the difference...

The boy was rejected and a girl was selected in an interview because of same reason...

Dono ki shirt ka pehla button khula huwa tha... (top buttons of their shirts are OPEN!!!)

True Guidance

True guidance is like a small lamp in a dark forest. It doesn't show everything at once, but gives enough light for the next step to be safe....

The weakest part of a relation...

The weakest part of a relation comes when one of the person has to give explanation to prove the TRUST...

The Single Finger....

The Single Finger that wipes your tears during your bad times is much better than the Ten Fingers that comes together to Clap on your success....

A Slap to "Modernization"

If showing your body makes you modern then ANIMALS are more modern than HUMANS....! (Dr. Zakir Naik)

Height of Good Luck!

Teacher: Hey! Stand Up. Tell me two pronouns....

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Student: Who? Me?
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Teacher: Very Good. Sit Down...!

The hardest moments...

The hardest moments are not those when tears roll down your eyes....it's when you have to hide the tears in your eyes with a smile....

A man speaks 25000 words...

A man speaks 25000 words daily & a woman speaks 30000 words but problem starts when husband comes from office after consuming his 25000 words & wife starts her 30000.

Things often go wrong...

Every woman needs a husband because things often go wrong in life and you cannot always blame god or Govt. for everything...

Ashwarya's baby...

Doctor to Ashwarya's baby: Who is your grandfather...?

Baby: Big B...!!!

Doctor: Who is your mother?

Baby: Miss World...

Doctor: Who is your father...?

Baby: NO IDEA SIR JI...!!!

OOOOPPPSSSSS......

Indian TV

News on Indian TV:

"Water & presence of Whales & Sharks found on Moon by Indian Satellite....

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News on BBC:

"Satellite launched by India found in Arabian Sea....!

Lolz!

World's smallest resignation...

World's smallest, shortest resignation letter to boss:

Dear Sir,

                                         THOOO...


Thanks....

Problems & Friends

Its very nice to discuss problems with friends....Not because they will solve it but will give such stupid suggestions that you will laugh & forget the problems....!

Definition of Mathematics

An exact definition of Mathematics:

"Mathematics is the study of finding a black cat in a dark room when there is no cat....
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You have to Suppose...!

Romance in Urdu & English

Sometimes things look so romantic in Urdu:

"Mai kho gaya hum tere pyar main. Ab tum bhi kho jao.................."

Now try it in English:

"I'm lost in your Love, Now you GET LOST...!"

LAYS....Ingredients....

Dear LAYS chips manufacturer, You forgot to list one thing under the ingredients....
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AIR ....85%...!

Bitter Truth...

In bed its 6am, if you close your eyes for 5 minutes, its 7:45

but

in a lecture its 9:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and its STILL 9:30...!

Nice Definitions...

Classic:
A book which people praise but do not read.

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life...!

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth...!

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do...!

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together...!

Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes...!

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions...!

Father:
A banker provided by nature...!

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip...!

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls in to river...!

Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says midway "See I am not injured yet...!"


Have a good day...

When ALLAH leads you...

When ALLAH leads you to the edge of difficulty, "Trust HIM Fully"

Either HE will catch you when you fall or HE will teach you how to fly.

Graham Bell & WIFE

When Graham Bell invented the phone......
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he saw that there were already 2 missed calls from his WIFE....!

Bachey jhoot nahi bolte..... Loadshedding.....

Kehte hain "bache kabhi jhoot nahi bolte....
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Magar
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1 gadhay ka bacha har saal kehta hai ke "Iss saal load shedding khatam ho jaey gi..."

Hats off to women...

Drunk men talk unnecessarily, become emotional, drive badly, stop thinking & fight for no reason.
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Hats off to women who do all this without alcohol!!! 

TODAY....TOMORROW

Every king was once a crying baby & Every great building was once a map....Its not important where you are TODAY but where you'll reach TOMORROW is important...!

No Sorry No Thanks....

People say that No Sorry and Thanks in friendship or in a relationship but.............Experience say that these two words save the relations....!

Value of a DOT...

A girl stood first in class with A1 marks in B.Ed. Exam.

Her excited Boy Friend sent SMS to her Father:

"Your daughter is A1 in BEd....!"

Criteria for Life Partner...

MALE criteria for life partner:
They expect their woman to look like Miss Universe & ....Work like .......Massi Barkatay...!

FEMALE criteria for life partner:
They expect their man to look like Mr. Universe, Earn like Bill gates & obey like RAMU KAKA...!

Google...a girl or a boy???????

Teacher: Google is a girl or a boy?
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Student: Google is a girl, because it won't let you complete the whole sentence and start guessing...! and you ask only one question....but get hundreds of answers in seconds.....!!!

Intelligent wife...........

An intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another...
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woman....!

Defining a LECTURER....

Teacher: Can you define who is Lecturer?

Student:

A person who has a very bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping....!!!

Faith on ALLAH

Only struggle provides you the chance of success...!

But addition of Faith on ALLAH converts this chance in to guarantee...!

Open your books....highly professionals

Open your books, keep your mobile phone off and start studying....
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The above stunt is performed by highly professionals. Please Don't Try this at Home....!

Happy Exam Season

Law of Equality....

The time taken by a wife when she says,

"I'll get ready in 5 minutes..."

is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says,

"I'll call you in 5 minutes...!"

Risk.....?????????

A man got a telegram ... Your wife is dead. Should we burn the body or bury it?
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Man replied:

"Do not take any RISK. Burn the body and bury the ash...!"

Electing PPP..........another kick in the balls??????

For years Men & Women have argued that what is more painful being kicked in the balls or giving birth?

Put it this way. After a couple's 1st child a woman will usually say, "Let's have a baby again..."

But

You'll never find a single man on earth ever saying, "OK...Kick my balls again...!"

Joke ended.


But we've another point to make in the light of our political scenario:

Electing PPP again will literally mean asking for "another kick in the balls....!"

Sach kahoon to mujh ko....

Sach kahoon to mujh ko yeh unwaan bura lagta hai

Zulm sehta hua insaan bura lagta hai

Kis qadar ho gai masroof yeh dunya apni

Ek din thehre mehmaan bura lagta hai

Mere ALLAH meri naslon ko zillat se nikaal

Itni zillat mein "Musalmaan" bura lagta hai

(Aameen)

Best from School times...

If you have ever used one WHOLE eraser completely...without losing it.

Seriously.... I Salute You...!

To all the married people

Specially dedicated to all the married people:

We are all in the same game just different levels...Dealing with the same hell, just with different Devils...!

Dear Computer User...!

Dear Computer User!

I do appreciate your kind attitude towards the keys of keyboard BUT one question....

Why do you press all keys softly and hit ME with all your power......??????

Yours sincerely,

ENTER Key!

My Life means...

My life means a lot to me! Not because I love my life. But because I love the people in my life...The universe calls them Friends, I call them My Universe...!

to make sure....

Man was sent on earth to suffer..........Woman was sent to make sure it happened...!

The Best Excuse...!

The best excuse given by a lady for a casual leave on Monday,

"My husband took the overdose of Viagra on weekend so I couldn't leave him alone with Massi (Maid)...!" 

When you feel lonely...

When you feel lonely...don't get upset. Just close your eyes  and say:

"Dear ALLAH why did you created me so precious that nobody can afford me..."

US Economy...

US Economy:

Investment Analyst and Entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin with the following:

"The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline, it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetable, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car, it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American Economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on Prostitutes and Bear, since these are the only products still produced in USA."

An Essay on Wife...

University Exam:

Q: Write an essay on WIFE.

(A married student wrote one liner essay & got full marks.)

The answer was:


"She has a PROBLEM for every SOLUTION."

Are you an Idiot???????????

A man calls up Prime Minister House and says: "I want to be the next Prime Minister of Pakistan...."

Operator: "Are you an idiot?"

Man: "Is it compulsory...?????????????"

Teru Reltionship...

Yuo konw waht is Rael Reltionship?

I'm gving yuo an exmpl:

Jsut c tihs msg. Evrey splleing of tihs msg is wrnog but sitll yuo can raed it wihtuot ayn mitsake....

If yuo vant true reltionship jsut igonr mitsake of ohters...

Friends and 26 Alphabets

Question paper of a 5th class boy.

Write an essay about your friends in 200 words. Given time half an hour.

A boy finished the paper in first minute...

He just wrote one sentence...but he got full marks...

That one sentence was..

"Any combination of 26 alphabets will never express my friends."

Pretty Ugly....!!!

GF: Am I Pretty or Ugly?
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BF: You are both...!
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GF: What do you mean both...???
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BF: You are "Pretty Ugly"...!!!

A Beautiful Girl & Beautiful Future

A beautiful girl can't give you a beautiful future BUT beautiful future can give you many beautiful Girls.....(HITLER)

Jitna Zalim tha baat us se bhi zalim kar gaya...!

Friend is like a pencil color...

Friend is like a pencil color.

May be I'm not your favorite color ...

BUT

I hope you will need me somewhere to complete your drawing...!!!

Khubsurti aur Rotiyan

Biwi kitchen mein se boli: "Sunte ho main din ba din khubsurat hoti ja rahi hoon..."

Shohar: "Acha, wo kaise?"

Biwi: "Ab to mujh se Rotiyan bhi jalne lagi hain...!!!"

The reality of Life...

You love someone & you marry someone else. The one you marry becomes your life partner and the one you love becomes the password of you email ID...!

LOLZ!

People wanted me to be punctual...

People wanted me to be punctual, when I became punctual, I realized.....

"Punctuality is the art of waiting for the careless people...!"

A Grammar Freak...

A grammar freak girl to her boyfriend:

"You are as useless as...
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AY in OKAY...!"

ALLAH per yaqeen

Pereshan hona insaan hone ki daleel hay laikin pereshan rehna insaan ka ALLAH per yaqeen na hone ki daleel hay.

Be Positive...

Moving backwards...

No one has ever won the game of chess by moving forward only, sometimes you have to move backward to get a better step forward.

3 Steps to attempt a paper...

1. Look UP for INSPIRATION...

2. Look DOWN for CONCENTRATION...

and then...

3. Look AROUND for INFORMATION...!

Maa Baap ke ehtaram ki misaal...

Aik bacha gali mein cricket khel raha tha. Os ne shot lagai aur os ke ghar ke window ka shesha toot gaya. Bachay ki ammi ne bahir aa kar os se kaha, "Beta aaram se"

Os waqt ke baad bache ne puri zindagi shaot nahi mari.....
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Aaj dunya osay "Misbah-Ul-Haq" ke naam se janti hay...!

Sorry...

Its very easy to hurt someone and then say "Sorry"

BUT

It is extremely difficult to get hurt and say "It's ok I'm fine..."

The bedroom massacre...

Wife came home late at night and quietly opens the bedroom door. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two...!

She reaches for a baseball bat and then hitting on them, after beating she goes to the kitchen and sees her husband there, reading a magazine...!

"Hi Darling" he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bed...!!!"

more proof....???????

A woman was kidnapped.  The kidnapper cut off her finger and sent it to her husband and demanded money....

Husband replied: " I want more proof send me the TONGUE...!"

Two nice Tips...

Two nice tips to stand strong in every condition:

1. Never take help of tears to show your emotions.

2. Never take help of words to show your anger.

Have A Good Day!

Meera and ATM

An ATM was jammed & not in working condition...

because



Meera put hair pin in machine when it was displayed on screen:


"Enter your PIN"

ooopppps!

The Most valuable places...

2 places are the most valuable in the world...

"The nicest place is to be someone's THOUGHTS

&

The safest place is to be in someone's PRAYERS..."

Have A Nice Day!

Deer & Dear

To kill a deer , you need guns, knives, ropes and many people to help....



BUT


To kill a dear, you need just ignorance & silence...!