Only 10 minutes...

Judge to a pickpocket : "Since you have been found guilty of the offence of pick pocketing you are fined Rs.1000."

Defense Counsel: "Sir you have fined my client Rs.1000 and right now he has only Rs.800..."

Judge: "I will not lesson the fine."

Counsel: "No Sir! I was just asking that my client be given only 10 minutes in a crowd....!"

The Merit...!

A judge called both side lawyers in his chamber.

Judge: Mr. A you gave me Rs.25000 from plaintiffs side for a decision in your favor.

Mr. A feeling ashamed looks at judge.

Judge: Mr. B you gave me Rs.20000 for a decision in your favor.


Mr. B also feeling ashamed looks at judge.

Judge: Mr. A!! Here are your Rs.5000 you paid extra..... And now as you both have paid equally the case shall be decided on merit....!

Fit & Tested Dieting Plan...???

Fit & Tested Dieting Plan with tremendous results...

7:30am - 1 brawn bread, half boiled egg.

10:00am - 1 cup green tea

12:00pm - half cup boiled chanay

1:00pm - 1 banana

5:00pm - 1 cup tea without sugar

7:00pm - 1 cup skimmed milk

9:00pm - green tea
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11:45pm - naan, chicken karahi, fried rice, tikka, shahi tukray, pizza, chocolate cake, pastry, gulab jaman, ice cream, aur 1 diet pepsi...

Strange but true...

When the relation is new..people find reasons to meet...but when it becomes old..people find EXCUSES to Avoid...Strange but True...!

Ahhh...PIA

A man find a beautiful girl at an airport cafe, sitting next to him.
He thinks: She must be an air hostess but which airline?
Hoping to get her attention, he leans towards her and says Emirates slogan: "Keep discovering"
She ignores him.
Again he says United Air's slogan: "It's time to fly"
No Response!
Again says another airline's slogan. She turns to him & says: "Ki takleef aey haraam deya?"
Man laughs, leans back & says: "Ahhh...PIA"

Love is like...

Love is like a game of chess:
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One wrong move...
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...and you are married...!

A typing error in book title...

Million copies of a new book sold in just two days due to a typing error in book title...
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The title was...
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"An Idea can change your Wife (Life)"

How to kill an Ant?

Q: How to kill an Ant?
Asked in exam for 15 marks.

Student:"...Mix Chilli Powder with Sugar & keep it outside the Ant's Hole. After eating, Ant will search for some water near a water tank. Push Ant in to it. Now Ant will go to dry itself near fire. When it reaches fire, put a bomb in to the fire. Then admit wounded Ant in ICU. Remove oxygen mask from it's mouth n kill the Ant."

MORAL:
Don't play with students they can do any thing for 15 marks...!

Ear Transplant....

Doctor transplant a new ear to man.

Man: You Fraud! You gave me a woman's ear...

Doctor: look it makes no difference.

Man: It does...! Now I hear everything but understand nothing...!

Silence of a friend...

Thousand words of a teacher does not hurt.

BUT

The silence of a friend in the Examination Hall brings tears in to the eyes. (William Naqalbaz)

The Perfect Eye Sight...

Wife looking in the mirror: "I look horrible, fat and ugly, please say something nice about me."

Husband: "Your Eye Sight is perfect...!"

MOM's coming...

Husband: Mom called me and she is coming tomorrow. Her train will reach in the morning at 4 O'Clock.

Wife: She came just 4 months back only, right?...Why is she coming now???
Tomorrow is Sunday, I thought of getting up late..but your Mom had to come on a Sunday and that too in the morning at 4 O'Clock.
Where she'll even get an auto at that time?

Husband: Not my Mom, its your Mom coming...!!!

Wife: WOW!!!! Mom is coming...It's been more than 2 Months I have seen her...Listen, I have the number of the auto driver, please call him and tell to come in time tomorrow morning...It's good, tomorrow is Sunday even the kids will be at home...They can play with their grandmother....

Even when I'm not interested...

I don't know why life teaches me so many lessons...Even when I'm not interested in learning...!

When I Was 10....

Today a 10 year old child has a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop and a Facebook account...
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When I was 10, I felt cool with my new markers n color pencils...!

Ja Machli Pakar...!

A Superstore hired a MEMON salesman. Sales increased a lot...! Boss decided to meet the Memon & went to store. Memon was selling a fish rod to a customer. Boss stayed at a distance & watched.

Memon ne fishing rod Rs.800 ka baich ker customer ke shoes dekh kar bola, "Itne expensive shoes pehan kar fishing karainge? You must buy sports shoes. phir bola "Dhoop mein bethna pare ga, you must buy a cap..Phir machli pakarne ke liay kafi wait karna pare ga, must buy some eatables wafers, biscuits...phir machli pakar kar rakhain ge kahan? Buy this Rs.100 basket....." The total bill was Rs.2000.

Boss khushi se bola "Wo fishing rod lene aya tha aur tum ne itne kuch bech dia. Very Good...!"

Memon said, "Sir wo admi to BV ke liay "ALWAYS" lene aya tha. Main ne kaha 7 din ghar par kia kare ga...Ja Machli Pakar....!

GOD, A Little Boy and Finance Ministery

A little boy wanted Rs.50/=. He prayed for weeks but nothing happened.  Finally, he decided to write a letter to GOD requesting for Rs.50/=....

When postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD, they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister as a joke...

The Finance Minister was so amused with this. So, he instructed his Secretary to send Rs.20/= to the boy, thinking this would appear to be lot of money to a little boy & he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20/= & decided to write a Thank You Note to GOD which read:

"Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money..... However, I noticed that YOU sent it through Finance Ministry and those Corrupt, Stupid & Selfish Donkeys have deducted Rs.30/= as Taxes...."

Aur Gunahgaar, Gunahgaar samjhte hain mujhe

Yaar bhi rait ki deewar samjhte hain mujhe
Main samjhta tha mere yaar samajhte hain mujhe

Main to yoon chup hoon ke andar se bohat khali hoon
Aur sab log pur-israr samjhte hain mujhe

Main to badalte hue haalat mein dhal jata hoon
Dekhne wale Adaakar samjhte hain mujhe

Wo jo us par hain un ke liey Is par hoon main
Wo jo Is par hain Us par samjhte hain mujhe

Naik logon mein mujhe naik gina jata hay
Aur Gunahgaar, Gunahgaar samjhte hain mujhe

What's more important....The Pain or The Person???

Everyone in our life is going to hurt us sooner or later! But we have to decide whats more important...The Pain or The Person....
(John Keats)

I studied but....

I studied but never topped. Today, toppers of best universities are my employees. (Bill Gates)

Only married men gain weight..Why????

Only married men gain weight..Why????

Bachelors go to fridge, see nothing interesting, go to bed.

Married men go to bed, see nothing interesting, go to fridge.

How to Identify parts of Pakistan...

How to identify different parts of Pakistan:

Scenario - 1:
Two guys are fighting. A third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up...! That's LAHORE...!

Scenario - 2:
Two guys are fighting. A third guy comes along, sees them fighting and walks on... You're in KARACHI...!

Scenario - 3:
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai Stall... That's MULTAN...!

Scenario - 4:
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says, "don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else and keep fighting...". That's ISLAMABAD...!

Scenario - 5:
Two guys are fighting. They take time out. Call their friends and now 50 people are fighting. You're definitely in KHYBER PAKHTUNKHWAH...! 

"Fine" & "Tax"

Truly Funny:

"Fine" is a Tax on doing wrong things;

Whereas

"Tax" is a Fine on doing right things...

*...Difference between Shit and Oh Shit......*

Six runs needed of the last ball..
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Shitttt...!
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And the batsman is Misbah-Ul-Haq...
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OOhhh Shitttt....!

Understanding...

Understanding is deeper than Love...!

There are many people who love us but very few who understand us...

Yes, I am Pakistan...

I am not just bombs, poverty and corruption....

I am Edhi's Philanthropy.

I am Arfa Karim's Brilliance...

I am Afridi's Exuberance...

I am Miandad's Six...

I am fastest growing IT Industry...

I am ever expanding middle class...

I have fought Dictatorships...

I am 40,000 deaths for Global PEACE...

I am Hospitality...

I am Epitome of Resilience...

I am one of the few bravest nations of the world...

YES...! I am PAKISTAN...!

How he got into the house...?

A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." says the desk Sargent.

"No, No, No" says the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years...!"

Shopping & Joking

Wife: I'm not feeling good...

Husband: Its too bad, I was  thinking to go for shopping...

Wife: I was joking na....

Husband: Yeah...me too....!

DEMOCRACY in Pakistan...

During World War-II an army unit had shortage of socks.

One day Co. announced,

"Soldiers! There is 1 GOOD news & 1 BAD news...The GOOD news is that you are going to CHANGE your dirty old socks and BAD news is that you are going to EXCHANGE them among you..."

This is DEMOCRACY in Pakistan: We keep on choosing same old leaders and parties....

Maths & Women

Maths and women are the two most complicated things in this world...
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BUT....
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Maths at least has LOGIC...!